It is hard to escape the sphere of influence encompassed in what and how I live with others. It is, I sense, an intricate aspect of what makes it hard to identify my true self and harder still to always engage with equilibrium in my life’s calling. I seek my calling through my own authentic self, by be-ing who I am, by be-ing present in the world as who I am rather than as someone others want me to be. It is answering these essential questions; “Who am I? ; What is my nature?” that leads me to my true self. This is an inward journey of encounter with me and something greater than me. In this quest for the authentic self, my goal has been to find my purity of heart, and my focus of life. I suppose I imagine a certain equilibrium might be achieved and maintained in this.
Everything has a nature, which informs and provides limits as well as potentials; it is part of the medium I must work with to achieve my unique potential. Be-ing in relationship with the self helps me have insight into divine inspiration within and around me. When I disconnect from that, I lose. If I live life without understanding the grace of my gifts and honoring the gifts of others, I live in danger of establishing an inauthentic life. Consciousness is the essence of this inward journeying – consciousness to the presence of the divine –of the in-dwelling presence of divine inspiration working in, with and through me. This suggests that the equilibrium I imagine above is an illusion born of my desire for peace and balance.
As I know my inner self more deeply, I ponder my awareness and attention to growing through my actions and presence in my work in the world. It is good in the quest for living an authentic life, to ensure that who I am connects to my daily work- and to be aware that anything that makes me the sole center of my world or inspires me to imagine that I am more than a work in progress, disconnects me from what is authentic. I become alienated from the wisdom that the origin of everything has to teach me. And conversely, when I am open to that wisdom, I recognize that it strengthens me and beckons me to be responsible for a sacred, wholesome life of be-ing all that I am able to be. These gifts of awareness are born of the journey and all of its struggles and provide the comfort of a certain inner equilibrium that sustains me when life becomes too distracting.
In my chaplaincy work and training I encounter others also living their inner selves outwardly in their ministry. Others can often illuminate my awareness. Whether it be a patient with whom I speak and visit, or a caregiver with whom I exchange a passing pleasantry. Each is a rich reminder to reach always for presence in the face of the many potential details of this daily work that can be so very distracting. For me, these distractions can be the record keeping that seeks to verify care strictly from a quantity perspective as opposed to a quality perspective. I recognize why this is and I see how it impacts each member of the various care teams I interact with. Again a challenge to equilibrium.
So let me begin to be in life, to be with people, to accept what is, to bring my best self to each day in ways that illuminate the potential in every precious moment and brings an inner equilibrium that sustains me in the ebb and flow of my work’s distractions.